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Day 20 :: some days are rougher than others

corey r. shepard

fathers go to war
Originally uploaded by nuanc

icon-meta3.gifMy dad died on November 20th. I think. But I’m not certain of it. It is one of those dates that really seems as if it SHOULD stick— forever and without a doubt—in my mind, especially for someone like me who is basically good with dates and details. However, it doesn’t. I know what this is about. I have a mental block. I don’t want to remember it. If I remember the date, I have to also remember the details of that week and other things that my mind will immediately associate with this part of November such as when John Kennedy was shot and sometimes even US Thanksgiving which wasn’t always the best holiday for me.

Both John Kennedy and Corey Shepard—these good, interesting and smart men—have been gone a very long time. I was pregnant with my second son when my dad died and he is now 27 years old. But it will always make me sad that they died young and unfinished.

We are smartest when we appreciate life even through all the hardships and challenges and sad days that are rougher than others.

Yesterday I got a rejection letter. It was a wonderfully personal and NICE rejection letter. But it still hurt. I’ve always said that they’re like getting kicked in the shin. It’s a sudden unexpected sharp pain that doesn’t last long, then it’s sore for a little while and then you move on and don’t think about it much. Today, it’s still a little tender.

Small wounds and large, we sometimes just have an achy day to get through.

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8

Isn’t 8 a lovely number?
I didn’t have time to write yesterday. I mean…I DID have time to write my novel; I didn’t have time to write my blog post.

That’s good, right?

November 8th is my husband’s birthday. We were out all afternoon with an EPIC Board Meeting—not a chore at all, but instead an enriching experience to be with such fine people!—and then to Youth Peer for some minor business and then to our Film Series where we watched a well-done film called Pierpoint-The Last Hangman (based on the life of Albert Pierpoint who was a hangman for the British government from 1933 to 1955). Then we came home where Barry fielded calls from his kids and step-kids and had cake and presents.

But before all that, I wrote.

I’m finding that 1700 or so words comes extremely easily. It’s that being behind scenario that makes the writing hard. I knew that of course, but I got behind so fast this year that I forgot what it was like to be able to do under 2,000 in a flash. Two thousand in fact, may be the best average daily word count for me. Sometimes it’s hard to get to 1000 but once past that, I’m into it and will easily go over the goal without knowing it. Makes sense, I suppose. Up hill is harder than down hill.

Ideas are flowing more smoothly. However, I did, lying in bed last night before drifting off, begin to worry a bit that there’s no plot. I guess that’s a late-night kind of thing. If the plot’s not taking hold, then I have control over that. But where I am now—in the middle of the beginning—it’s easy to feel lost in the multitude of words and not be able to know what the WHOLE is like. That’s okay. It’s November. Time to write, not to know.

Later~~~

November 6th

icon-meta3.gif I have to get my cool back so I can write today.

I’ve been searching through my computer looking for files that are lost.

I’ve never been a tidy person. Try as I do, my actual paper files are not organized perfectly. I’m always behind on filing things and even I cannot remember whether I filed car insurance papers under “I” for insurance, “C” for car or “H” for Honda. But for all that, I can usually find things.

This morning I was searching for business cards I made in August or early September. I have a folder for these things. It’s labelled: EPIC/logos, letterheads, business cards. But they aren’t there. Sheesh! I can find other things I made at that time. But these are simply not where they are supposed to be. It’s so completely frustrating!

If I can’t rely on my computer to keep the things that I’ve filed in the place I tell it to file them, what the hell can a slightly disorganized person do?! I would ordinarily assume that I’d just wasn’t paying attention and that they’d gone into an alternate graphic folder but, no. I can’t find them. And it seems even more mysterious because there are five files, one for each Board member! How could five separate files disappear?

Sigh.

Anyway, I have to give up because I’m using all my writing time to search for files that aren’t essential right now. I just kept thinking that I’d find them, because I know they have to be there! Writing time is dwindling as I have a dentist appointment this afternoon. No end to the fun today!

Yesterday went pretty well. I continue to feel that I’m setting everything up and am not sure where the plot threads are, much less where they are going. But I seem to remember that this is First Week stuff. You have to get everyone in place and the backstory related without simply plopping it on the page in one huge dollop and you have to introduce the main characters and give them a setting that the reader can visualize. It’s not the most compelling part of writing a novel. That’s the problem. But that’s also the beauty of doing so much writing in a month. Get this set up (mostly) out of the way in a week rather than a YEAR at which point, most sane people would say, “Chuck this! It’s never going to go anywhere!”

I’m still slightly behind on word count and it doesn’t look promising that I’ll catch up today, but you never know.

Sorry for the missing computer folder rant. I needed it. :x

icon-meta3.gif UPDATE:
The word count is now on track (though God Knows if the writing I did today is worth a single dnaldo (currency of the country Dnemz in the novel I’m writing).

And, more importantly, the files were found. They were in a back-up folder in the backcountry of my computer. I don’t how that happened but I found them not through any of the dozens of Searches I did but in Recent Files—though it was at least two months since I did them. Anyway, computer, it seems I owe you and apology. You kept my files and for that I’m grateful. That I can’t find them is, I admit, my fault, not yours. I’m sorry.
:D

Back to September

complimentary

complimentary,
originally uploaded by nuanc.

icon-meta3.gif Did you feel it? It hit me last night.

September.

The weather turned windy and cool. All the little needle-y things I didn’t get done this summer suddenly seem vitally important—even though last week the thought of them caused no sparks in the nerve endings of my brain. Suddenly it wasn’t summer anymore.

{{ Sigh }}

It was an excellent summer. We stayed home and worked. :roll: How’s that for a good time? But, it was both what I wanted and needed.

My husband relaxed with me into joint projects on our house that had been neglected all last summer. We did mortaring and carpentry and painting and poured concrete and dug up rocks and dirt and then filled the holes back in. Now that Labour Day’s over, we have a new deck that is brilliantly blue (see above) and already well-loved.

Next summer will be for putting a roof over it and railings and so on (and on and on), but I’m already so pleased to be able to step out my front door onto what is completed. Barry’s reaction is also gratifying. I knew I missed and would love the porch, but he’s at least as happy with it as I am and can’t wait to get out there. Somehow being up on a porch (rather than down on the grass where our patio table and chairs used to be) is more relaxing—almost hypnotizing. It’s given us what my sister calls the ‘rag-doll effect.’

In addition to that outside work, I was able to complete our charity’s website (see EPIC at epiccharity.com) and I finished a short story. See my progress bars! Whoo! So what if I didn’t get much done on the quilt or the novel….that’s what September is for? :?

Not likely. I have all those needling things, plus a webzine that was sorely neglected all summer, and two trips upcoming. I go to Maine to see my lovely son and granddaughter for the last half of September and to Houston for most of October. November is National Novel Writing Month and then Christmas. Well. No wonder I love summer so much.

I always thought that life would slow down as I got older. Not sure where I got that idea but it’s completely the opposite. Days, weeks, months fly by with increasing speed.

However, there’s nothing like a good stay-at-home summer with lots of completed goals to set up the rest of the year.

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NEEDLING THINGS TO-DO LIST:

EPIC Minutes
New EPIC Business Cards, Letterhead and Mailing Labels
New Darvintyne Business Cards
Book Club on Saturday night: Reading, Cleaning, Cooking
New Posts to PCQ
Letter to PCQ Subscribers

Now. That’s not so bad, is it?


The Up Side of Outside

Our Scaffolding

Our Scaffolding,
originally uploaded by nuanc.

icon-meta3.gif Two days ago we finally began again to work on the outside of our old house. This work has been going on so long that we actually purchased our own scaffolding.

Hmmm, come to think of it, that may be the very reason it’s gone on so long. If we were renting scaffolding, you’d better believe that Barry would find the time to work on it!

Either way, it feels great to be back at it. Last year Barry was so swamped with inside work all summer that the only thing we managed to do was move the scaffolding from the back of the house to the front. So it’s been two years since we did any painting and 5 years since we began it.

That first year, we laughed about it taking us so long that the first painting would need to be re-done by the time we got back around to it. We’re not laughing anymore. I think neither of us had any clue that it would take us this long. And the thing is, we’re five years older and not exactly feeling like spring chickens! Who knew that was going to happen?

Our house looked fine on the outside when we bought it six years ago, but it was very plain and had a flat roof. before - house 2002 Predictably, that first winter, the roof leaked so Barry, who once made his living from carpentry, decided that he would put on a pitched roof the next summer. The Roof CrewWe were lucky enough to be able to get our talented and hardworking (!) friends, the Sobers, to help along with two young men (Mike and Andre) from the local trades high school, and the work was [mostly] done by the time winter set in. putting on the roof 2002After - house, beginning painting 2003


The next summer we began to shingle and paint the gables and new roof line. Barry had always loved the wildly painted Victorians in Halifax and San Francisco, so we made our plan, chose our five colours and began on the first big gable.

I named the five gables—which are all different sizes—the granddaddy, mama, papa, teenager and baby gables. As of two years ago, we had finished all five gables and had only a stretch of roof line across the front of the house (see below) that had to be painted (still a complicated paint job, taking four of the five colours, but a breeze compared to the time-consuming gables). Since last summer was a bust for outdoor work, that’s what we’re doing now. what’s left of the high stuff

Once this is done, there’s plenty more work.

Our front porch has to be completely re-built! In August we hope to get the foundation and decking of that done. Next summer: the roof of the porch. The next? Painting the porch, including one more gable. And some time in there the bulk of the house has to be painted (it will be the same colour as the shingles of the gables) as well as all the windows. Any sane person would hire at least some of this done but so far, my husband’s sanity is questionable. I think even he, who likes to maintain control of his project, is wavering.

So why isn’t this unending project a drag? I certainly do not relish going up and standing on the top of that scaffolding! It’s something I’ll never get used to. But I am proud that I’ve learned to do it, that I still can do it and that I’ve overcome a certain fear of heights to do it! The main reason that it’s fun to get back to it is that it’s our project. Our house. Our scaffolding. Our colours. Our folly, if you will. The inside of our house is beautifully detailed and preserved. We feel that the outside should be as special.

We know not everyone would agree with our wild paint colours but we don’t have neighbours to offend so there’s no one to answer to. One day it will be finished and will be a show piece. And if that first grandfather gable is peeling by then, so be it. It’s an old house after all.

Before: :(

before - no gables

After: :D

baby and mama gables


Barry’s Patented 6-colour Painting System

I’m impressed with how easily we got back into this painting after a year away from it. Here’s the tricks of painting with six colors (counting the white primer) over 6+ years:

1) Keep the paint (the best quality you can afford) in your house; we have it in the closet under the stairs. You know, like the one Harry Potter had to live in, once upon a time.
2) Good quality paint brushes. We probably spent $25 CA on the four trim colour brushes but they are still perfect after five years. Of course, we are fanatical about cleaning them each time we’re through with them.
3) One colour = one brush. No exceptions. :)
4) For ease of use on scaffolding, we’ve taken large plastic ice cream containers and made wire handles for them. We pour the paint into a smaller plastic yogurt container (not the tiny ones) and put those into the larger container. Barry When atop near the roof, the handles make it possible to loop the containers over the top of the scaffolding so that you don’t have to hold them while you’re painting. Good for those of us who are wary of Falling Off and need hands to Hold On. I’ve also put them on my belt when there’s no scaffolding handy. When not being used, we have lids for the yogurt containers.
5) One yogurt container = one colour. No exceptions. ;) :)
6) We use a simple rope and hook and big ol’ plastic bucket to haul things up and down the scaffolding
7) This is totally Barry’s way of doing things. Mine would have been to just use any old brush on any colour and buy new ones next year. I’m proud to be associated with such adaptive compulsiveness. It works! ;) :) :D


What it will look like (sort of):

drawing of house




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Tools/Toys

icon-meta3.gif In addition to that fancy camera, I got a computer drawing tablet and pen for my birthday.

I KNOW it’s going to be extremely useful
—especially once I get the hang of it—but so far, all I can think to do is play with it.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

This is one of the things I’ve done. It’s a doodle. An experiment with letters and other marks that could be letters. It was fun to do and as such, it feels as if I’m using my new tool (”For the serious photographer, designer and artist” the package states) as a toy. At what point do I begin to feel serious about it? My husband often asks when inquiring about what I did on a certain day, “Were you working or playing?”

Whew. That’s a tough one to answer. If I enjoy my work, does that mean it’s always play? If I usually enjoy my work but am dealing with a challenging problem, then is it work? Or if I am doing art for no one and no reason, but am frustrated by it, does that mean it’s work? Is doing art for no reason ever anything but play? Where’s the line between a “serious tool” for serious creative types and a toy for someone who’s “just playing?”

Ahh, I don’t care. It’s just my brain playing with words, isn’t it? And some days, that’s what art and work is all about.

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  • WISHING: that front porch was finished
  • ENJOYING: overcast, but breezy/coolish summer weather
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    nuanc. Get yours at bighugelabs.com/flickr