chronicled & illustrated

This is my wonderful 2 year old granddaughter, Cadi. I’m in Maine right now for her birthday celebration. This was taken on my first full day here. I got to stay with her while my son had some well-deserved r&r. Cadi and I took a walk into the little town where there is a school playground.

I took a dozen or more photos but this one and only a couple of the others are decent. Cadi’s difficult to take pictures of as she moves fast, does not—to say the least—like to pose and often looks away if she sees a camera.

I like that in a little girl. While there’s nothing wrong with a child who knows how to “turn it on” for a camera, it’s pleasing to me that Cadi doesn’t see the need to do so. She’s been seeing images of herself on my laptop screensaver and she definitely enjoys the photos. “Dat’s Cadi,” she tells her dad. She seems to remember certain ones, what she was doing and where she was, even though many of them were taken at Christmas. But she obviously doesn’t like them enough to make herself available for my lens. She’s got more important things to do with her time. Right on, Cadi!

Now, I just need to get a camera with a faster response time!

The jacket and hat that Cadi is wearing were brought from Cape Breton. I ‘won’ them in a silent auction at Girl’s Night Out, a fund raiser for the Sydney women’s shelter. It was made by a local woman who’s name, unfortunately, I didn’t get. I planned on giving it to Cadi as a birthday gift but didn’t really have an expectation that it would fit or that she would like it. But the day we were going to the playground was a little cool and Ty hadn’t brought her a jacket, so I immediately busted this out. She took right to it and especially loves wearing the hat. And doesn’t she look grand in it? I love it when a non-plan comes together.

deep pink blues,
originally uploaded by nuanc.

The photograph is a mock-up cd cover that I did for a utata project last summer. The guitarist is my son Carson who is a singer /songwriter in Albuquerque. He’s been slowly working on a web home for himself and his music all this year, and is, in fact, my inspiration for moving my website-family to wordpress. I THINK it’s been a good move. He’s on my mind, because I just took a look at techornati tags this morning and found that he’s put in a link to my zine. The “web” is indeed a fine metaphor.

I brought this fun project out of the archives because it relates to one of the themes of my life this year. That of self-promotion. I’m terrible at it and always have been, but I have accepted that as a fault; something that I must overcome. Even as I do it (mainly on the web, at this point) I feel that others won’t like me. It’s an old primal tape running in my head. Mustn’t draw attention to ones achievements. Particularly if one isn’t absolutely sure of that those actions/behaviors/products can be counted as “achievements.” Yes, there are always doubts.

And yet, I’m pushing myself to make connections, promote my sites, feel happy that my photo was the needle found in the haystack of flickr for the german beer ad. Perhaps age has taught me a few things—usually three or four words at a time: Things take time. Little things add up. Life is too short. People like success. Pride cometh before a fall—

Oops.

Old tapes.

I titled this Pridefall because those two words are firmly associated in my mind. I have experienced the relationship many times. Pride makes us boastful, boastfulness makes us vulnerable to tripping because our nose is in the air? I don’t know. It’s a firm relationship, but not a useful one.

I’m proud of my son and his music. I’m proud that he’s hung in there with his creative endeavors even as he works so very hard at his academic and teaching careers. And in that, there is no fall. Being proud of others is ok.

By the way, the title of the album and band on my mock-up cd cover are not my son’s.
His site is carsonmetzger.net. Go. Find out his names. Read his words. Listen to his music. Go see him perform. Understand my pride.

Eyes cracked open at 5:27 am today to see a thin layer of snow on every little branch outside our window. By the time I got up several hours later, it had begun to rain and wasn’t as pretty. But—as a relative newcomer to Nova Scotia—this is my record for the latest snowfall of the year.

My husband tells a story about his first summer here in Cape Breton, back in the early 70’s. He was, for a short time, living by himself in the country and because he’d come here to farm, was putting in his first vegetable garden. He woke up on the morning of JUNE 17th to find a layer of snow breaking the will-to-live of his fledgling plantlets. The short-term ending of the story is that he—having absolutely nothing else to do with his time—propped up each and everyone of the bent seedlings and about 80% of them survived the snow!

The long-term ending is yet to be written but over thirty years on, the weather in Nova Scotia has changed. Whether for better or worse, is a matter of personal opinion, but few can argue that it’s rapid and scary.

A week ago this was the view outside our window. Those are firetrucks in our driveway at 3am. It’s a tradition locally for kids to set fire to the grass and woods in the middle of which our old house happens to sit. The spring has been very dry and these fires literally made the national news because of the sheer number and the toll it was taking on the island’s volunteer firefighters. Yay for volunteer firefighers! Come to think of it, Yay for paid firefighters!

This is the second time the fires have come close to our house but the first time that I seriously considered packing up those things that are most valuable to me. I found that a worthy exercise.

One surprising thing to me was that my journals (there are dozens of them!) are more important to me than my paintings. I’d hate to lose either but found that the journals represent my history, the art represents momentary self-expression. I guess for me “chronicling” beats out “illustrating.”

What I learned:
• Keep all stored photographs in one place.
• Have a box with the VIPs (Very Important Papers): wills, birth certificates, insurance policies
• Mark files in the filing cabinet that are irreplaceable. How about a gold star?
• It takes longer than you might think to get THE most important things together.
• Better safe than sorry.

Reading: Tales of Protection by Eric Fosnes Hansen
Writing: Words of Paradise - a novel set in Canada, the US and the island of Tobago in the 60’s
Working on: EPIC’s website and this one
Upcoming: a trip to Maine for Cadi’s 2nd birthday and to see Ty and Carson
Mood: calm
Physically: achy
Progress since yesterday: this website—do you like my new beaded curtain?; the book for Book Club on the 26th