chronicled & illustrated

In January, I did an article for The PCQ on Beth Felice who, as Annie Octavia, owns and operates a beautiful art gallery on Second Life called Gallerie Octaviana. In order to see for myself what it was about (she’s been kind enough to include some of my work in two of her shows), I made myself an alter-ego and made my first forays into this virtual world.

My name is Aplomb Pomilio. The name was chosen with tongue firmly in cheeque. I like the word, I like the concept and it’s something that I often do not have in abundance. I’m finding out that in learning how to navigate in a new world, aplomb is scarce. I find that I’m insecure about what to do, who to talk to, where to go. In fact, it’s like every experience I’ve ever had moving to a new place.

Odd, that.

This isn’t “real” and yet, my self, my mind makes it feel very real even unto bringing along very real emotions as I try to find my way in a new *place* among strangers. And this “realness” goes farther. I could have made myself anything I wanted and yet I’m pretty normal looking though young and with a great figure (I’m not foolish enough to pass up a chance at those two things!)

I want to write about this more as I’m finding the experience puzzling, eye-opening and more than anything else revelatory. I’m just not sure yet what it’s revealing!

One thing is sure: I’m absolutely loving the opportunity to play dress-up! As a child, my sister and I played paper dolls. We loved exploring fashion styles and opportunities that we would never get to experience for real. Being in Second Life has taken me back to that childhood delight but with such HUGE differences that it can hardly be over-stated. I have a gorgeous *me* with a great figure. A me that moves, walks, flies (badly), sits (sometimes in the middle of walls and objects), talks and as such, I can dress me up in hundreds of combinations of clothes and accessories—at this point, all for free. I haven’t spent a dime and I’m having so much fun.

My favourite so far: a Purple and Silver outfit. The overskirt is animated, it swirls as I move. The knee-high boots are purple with white designs—FABULOUS!

These days instead of playing a morning computer game or other “getting ready” activity before I settle into real work, I go to Second Life and decide what I’m going to wear for the day. Today, for the first time, I tried out an edgy look (for me and Aplomb, that is).

I also have some normal jeans, sandals and t’s outfits but even those are a lot more fun than what’s in my real closet!

This morning as I was getting dressed for real, I took a little extra care because…well, because if I’m going to take such care in a world that’s not real, I should at least make a little effort where it is.

More soon on groups I’m joining and what that’s like.

window
Originally uploaded by nuanc

I love this little blog. I started it in full expectation of NOT posting often enough and then I did pretty well with it.

I am not a consistent person. Moodiness is so much a part of my genetic make-up that I am always astounded to learn that some people aren’t controlled by their mood-of-the-day. I’m drawn off task by not only moods, but also by the newest shiniest activity that catches my interest. And yet, I almost always return to what I love. And this blog, I love.

It feels like me, she said, shyly.

Fertile, then fallow, quiet without being private or secretive, heart-felt and earnest but with tongue-in-cheek.

Inconsistent. Also ambiguous. Moody.

January was a real up and (mostly) downer. I started an overly ambitious writing project that didn’t last more than two days. That led to a slump which caused me to seek solace in mind-numbing computer games, an obsession from which I haven’t fully recovered. There were other things. Emotional snowfalls began piling on, adding layer after layer of weight. Because it wasn’t a blizzard but a steadily growing accumulation of tiny things, I was unaware of what was happening.

I’m on the mend. Writing this is part of my recovery. I love this blog. I must do it more often and then I will remember other things that I love doing and I will rediscover the path to feeling that. Then, I’m sure, I will also get excited about the next new shiny thing that catches my interest. I can do both when I’m occupying the busy part of my life.

The illustration is of winter taken through the old stained glass panels in the stairwell of our house. Part of it I can see through and part I can’t and that is Like Life.

Hugs all ’round.

Well, NaNoWriMo is done for another year. It was a month of steady-steady-steady writing. I think I had three days when I didn’t get my quota (1667) done and one of those was Day 1 when I’d just returned from being out of town for three weeks. Even in that steadiness, however, I felt many ups and downs.

The bottom line is that I didn’t end up with a cohesive novel. I spent time the last day, after reaching 50,000 words, just writing notes to myself about what seems good about the writing and what doesn’t. One of the things I did was to list all the subplots I had going on. No wonder it never gelled! There were about ten separate things, some of them introduced once and never revisited!

I also wrote what I thought the plot should be. After spending a month immersed in that world and those characters, of course I know better what directions I should gone. I think the notes helped and will help in the future. I have more of a overview of what I wrote rather than being left with the impression of the last few days of writing which was less than inspiring. I also feel that the notes will serve me well later when I want to go back to it. It will give me a way into the story.

So that’s a wrap on Nano 2007.

On the other writing front: I finished the first draft of the short story on Saturday.

Ahhh, such a simple sentence.

Finishing a short story was once close to impossible for me. I had a writing teacher early on who was in the habit of spending 6 months to a year on a short story. She was a very bad influence on me!!! I have since joined a writing group with some wonderful role models who are much more practical. They have been a very good influence on me!!!

This story was a personal challenge to see if I could come up with an idea, write it, edit it, polish it, and send it off to the Nova Scotia Writer’s Federation contest all within 3 weeks. Oh, one other thing: it had to come in under 3,000 words, a feat I’ve never managed before.

So you see… it’s a simple sentence with much import for me. Yesterday I edited and rewrote the ending. Last night I read it out loud and felt it was choppy so I worked on transitions today and did line editing. This afternoon I gave to two trusted readers. While handing it over is always nerve-wracking, I did feel proud that I’ve gotten it to this point with four days to go before it has to be postmarked. The verdict is in from one of my readers; it got a thumbs up!

Now, finally, I have time to clean the bathroom.
What a reward, eh?
Oh the glamourous life of a writer!

winds of change
Originally uploaded by nuanc

I got to a stopping point in my writing today slightly before I got to the word count I wanted.
I could have pushed it, but I felt it needed to rest. The story is at a crucial juncture and, to tell you the truth, I am not quite sure what’s going to happen. If I had continued today, my fear is that I would have gone off on a tangent.

Sometimes in NaNoWriMo we have to just keep writing even though we know we don’t know where we’re going. I do it if I’m falling too far behind in the word count or if I am uninspired. But sometimes it’s okay to wait. I’m close to being on track with the word count and I am feeling inspired. With both of those things working for me, I’d rather let a little time pass and give it some unfocused, C-mindful simmering before I write what comes next.

That C-mind stuff is what happens in the shower or while chopping vegetables or taking a walk or even cleaning the house (not that any of us are getting that done this month, right?). It’s what happens when we’re into our novels enough that the characters and the situation are with us even when we aren’t directing our minds toward them. When we’re engaged in an activity that doesn’t require our full attention, our minds will sometimes drift across the landscape of story we’re working on and come up with the best ideas! It’s one of the most fun things about writing.

That’s what I’m hoping for tonight.

In the meantime, I took some photos. My camera has literally been on the shelf since I got back from Houston just before Halloween. This evening I heard the wind coming up and I looked outside. It was just before dusk and the cornstalks in the garden were doing fantastic things in the gusting wind. I got a new flash when I was in Houston and it is supposed to not only help me with the low light but also capturing motion. One of my frustrations is that I haven’t had time to learn to use it!

Happily, I took the time to get the camera and go outside. I got the shot above as well as some other blurry ones that I love. I still don’t know what I’m doing with the flash but that’s one of the great things about digital: you can see the mistakes you’ve made immediately. Instantaneous feedback! It felt good to shoot some photos, so much so that I’m vowing to take a few everyday through the rest of the month. It’s not as if it takes that much time and it feels great to *focus* on something other than writing.

Sorry.

I also uploaded an excerpt to my nano profile page.

This Jackson Pollock widget is one I found this morning on Michelle’s lovely blog: Lady Language. Thank you, Michelle! I saw the website (sorry, I don’t seem to have bookmarked it so I can’t link it right now) several months ago and I thought was so fun and funny, but I hadn’t seen the widget until this morning. I immediately got it for my very own and posted it on The PCQ.

Here’s a link to some real Jackson Pollocks.

To play with it, just pass your mouse over it. Click to get a different colour. That’s it. Splashing “Paint” without the clean-up.

I feel like I could use a nice long session of splashing real paint. Fingerpainting. Bodypainting. I need to break out a little. I’ve been writing almost everyday for two weeks now and it’s getting to me even though yesterday I didn’t write at all. I woke up early, worried about all the other things in my life that I’ve been neglecting—typical for NaNoWriMo. So I set out to do the ones I could. It was paper work and tax stuff (my favourite) and lots of little noodling things. Later, even though I had the time to write, I simply couldn’t get in that frame of mind again.

Today was gruesome. Not only did I know and could-not-forget that I had to write twice as much in order to catch up, I also felt like I’d written myself into several corners.

I didn’t know what the hell I was thinking when I had this character say that and the other do this! I knew that I could either go back and rewrite those things that were giving me fits or I could suck it up and figure out how to make it work for me. I decided on the sucking up choice. It remains to be seen if what I am writing will work or not, but it feels good that at least I didn’t run from my own choices. I’m going to go with them for now and maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised at some future date.

A novel is like a puzzle. Do you do crosswords or sudoku? It can be like any kind of puzzle that’s a challenge. It starts off kind of fun and not too hard and then you get to a point where you have to really think and then, it gets very hard and the next step is to assume that somehow the incredibly asinine editors of that particular puzzle made a mistake and there’s no solution!!!! They must have goofed! It’s all wrong. No way to get it to work.

But then, another part of your mind kicks in and tells you that you are a silly goosehead and of course they didn’t screw it up. You realize that you have to work harder. Keep at it. Don’t give up. More than anything else, ASSUME you can make it work. Be confident in the fact that if you go at it from a different perspective or angle or state of mind, you will be able to find the solution. You’ll be successful and in the figuring it out part, you’ll have fun and be proud of yourself.

So that’s the stage of writing that happens in the second two weeks. If you find your novel is a giant challenging puzzle, keep working at it until you find out what the solution is. The editor never goofs! Silly head.

I don’t know what the title of this post means in this context but maybe I can figure it out as I write it. That kind of process goes along with the writing I do each November.

One upon a time, many years ago, I went to an Al-Anon meeting. An exercise was done where we each picked numbers from a coffee can. The numbers were from 1 to 12 and when our time came, we were to talk about that step in the AA doctrine. I was familiar with the Twelve Steps but only in a cursory way. I was new to this program and had no expertise or practice in doing any of the steps with the possible exception of Step One. I did know that one thing: I felt powerless to control anyone else’s choices. So when my time came, I said,

I got 11. Since I don’t even know what Step 11 is, I guess I just have to look at this as a reminder that I need to do Step 1, twice as often.

The group seemed to like that quite well.

So that’s where the title of this Day 11 came from. Perhaps it does relate to writing. Each day, I sit down and know only that my job is to achieve my word count. Of course, I want to write a good story. Of course, I want it to be interesting and cohesive, and well-written. I want it to build and to have not only a good plot but also fascinating sub-plots. I want it to be insightful and fun and imaginative and surprising.

But if I fill my mind with all those wants, it fills ME with dread. I don’t know how to achieve all that at once on any given day. If I think of all that, I will not get my book written. That’s why I love NaNoWriMo so much. It gives me a daily deadline and a reason to forget all that FOR NOW.

So when I sit down to write each day, I know only one thing: that I have to write at least 1667 words. On most days, I write something that pleases me to some extent. It’s never perfect. Sometimes it is drivel and I know that it will never make the finished version, but that’s okay because I’ve kept going in a forward direction. At least it shows me where I don’t want to go!

In a way, that’s like taking the First Step over and over again. Sit down and write. Tomorrow, do that again. Soon, I’ll have enough material to call it a first draft.

We worry about Step Two when we get there.